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Sometimes I have trouble expressing my emotions. At the moment I feel I don't have that problem.


I fucking hate you, you have no idea how shit you've made me feel. Or how bad you treated me, and you didn't give a shit.

Xbox HUEG!

Last week I bought myself an Xbox 360, I felt I should buy myself something for the first time in a long time for some enjoyment. I picked up the 60gb Pro Console with Kung Fu Panda, Lego Indiana Jones, and Assassins Creed. 3 months of Xbox Live Silver and a head set all for $400. I think I got a good deal, next I'm getting some cabling done in the house so I can hook it into the internet for xbox live. My intentions are to use it as a media extender/media center. I have a 1TB external Hard drive I can plug into it and watch movies off it, and probably some gaming seeing as I have some I didn't have to buy for a change.

I stopped at Harvey Normans on my lunch break today to look at a HDMI cable for the xbox, $70! How about get stuffed! I find it ironic that Harvey Norman is closing 2 stores because they aren't making enough profits margins to keep them running. But I can go down the road to my local PC store and pick up a HDMI cable for $10 instead that will do the same thing.

Keepin' it tidy

Lying in bed currently and still feeling the effects of the past 48 hours. This weekend was the annual TEA party, this time everyone converging on Adelaide and Carrickalinga for 3 days of fun and mayhem.

It was good to catch up with some people who I hadn't seen in a few years, and meet some new faces. Some I've known for a while online, and some who are recent to TEA. It was good to catch up with Tooly, I'd like to catch up with him more often as it always proves to be good fun when we catch up. It was also good to finally meet Chookz, who came all the way from New Zealand for a few days.

Friday began with a tour at the Coopers Brewery, and that rounded off with some tasting of the range of Coopers beers. Some from tap, bottle or can. Some where nice, some didn't do much for me.

We moved then to the Coopers Ale House for dinner, more beer drinking and general banter for a few more hours. After dinner we moved on to the usual, the Griffins Head Tavern. More drinking ensured, but I also introduced Tooly to a Jagerbomb. Of which he had several more after.

After several hours at the Griffins Head Tooly, Bament and myself headed to Enigma Bar. Definitely not toolys place but I think we weren't there much and headed off to another bar. Neither of us remember the place we went to however. I do remember Tooly getting into the DJ booth after the DJ disappeared and started spinning, I remember getting through a security coded door by mashing some buttons, and also slicing my thumb helping the barmaid out slicing lemons. I headed home about 4am and slept, made my way back home in the afternoon for a shower and change of clothes and made my way to Carrickalinga to cYns beach house.

We kicked on at the beach house with some backyard cricket and typical geek file sharing of the usuals, music, games, porn and movies. Some more backyard cricket followed, and so did a BBQ with a pig on the spit. I stuck around for dinner, and some PS3 gaming but felt the need to leave for a good nights sleep in my own bed, to many sore muscles. And I really don't think I would have been a happy camper waking up in the morning.

The only moment I had to myself was that I felt the need to drive past Bec's beach house and look, I'm not sure why I felt it. But I didn't, I turned the corner and drove home even though I felt upset doing so. I feel like I left a part of me there. The drive home was long but good when I got to bed.

Some things are still upsetting to me, I guess time heals all.

I must have tried writing personal blogs a million times before, but I only manage 2 or 3 posts and then give up. I'm not sure why, it just seems to fade away. I had movie reviews on here before, now they are on my other blog about stuff. But this one I felt I'd use this to vent whats been in my head. Because honestly, some days I need to get it out and just can't handle having some thoughts in my head anymore. Or handle thinking about shit that's gone on in my life.

I managed to take baby steps over the past few months, I'm not sure how to reflect on 2008. There were some great times, but I only seem to be overwhelmed by bad times lately. All I can look forward to is 2009 and what it holds.

What do I want to do?

It's a question thats plagued me for a long time, I've never been able to find what interests me in life and something that could keep my interest for the rest of my life and enjoy it. At least as a career, or some kind of life accomplishment. I'd like to feel recognised for something, anything. In some way or form.

It's funny how sometimes TV or movies play a role in life, you see something and think "that would be so awesome to do". Some people do it, some people dream about it, some people never get the chance to.

What kind of a career do I want? Should I travel instead of finding a career that suits me? I never know, I'm afraid if I travel then I'll find something I want to do different to what I've already been doing.

Lately travel has been on my mind, mainly because after getting my drivers license it gave me some independence that I don't have to be here anymore. I can do what I want to. Some days I feel like just going somewhere, no idea why, or for what purpose. Maybe I just want to find myself and do a little soul searching. Find what I want to do with my life. But at 25 I feel as though I've wasted to much time, I see so many of my friends who've found careers they enjoy and are well into their working lives. I see others getting married and in long relationships, others going overseas and seeing the world.

The world has so much on offer. Why haven't I seen any of it?

I get the feeling I'm going to spend the rest of the year stuck in this place where I don't know what to do with myself until 2009 when I see some stable parts in my life that I can decide on what I want to do

25 years old, approaching 26. Sometimes I think of going back to uni and studying as it would lead to career that I find so interesting.

I've always felt the need to be creative in some way, I've felt either something like interior design, architechture, film director/writer, or even something like a cocktail barman would be fun and interesting. Something that would stimulate me, maybe not the barman stuff. But it would be fun.

But I still feel as though its to late to start any of these as a career. I've been a graphic designer before, but I feel out of touch these days. It's also hard to get a job where I live in the field, people are always losing their jobs in it and firms cutting staff and getting smaller, or closing down all together. But as I was told recently, the later I leave it the later I'll finish it. I'll be older when I finish it than what I would have been if I started it straight away.

But if I went back to study. I don't think I could handle being on little money again. I need my freedom now and independence.